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I wrote this in October 2016. It was to be the last time Rocky Fought in Crown Tourney for the Middle Kingdom.

Now come before you an icon of strength forged before the race of men was diminished. 

Now come before you the starlight of grace and unwavering beauty. 

Here stands Gunther von Stein, Master, Forged from the bones of the mighty Rockhsllic the strong, possessor of titles innumerable. Father of Knights, Forger of Swans, beloved of Cavaliers, bloody qcampaigner of a thousand stricken fields and knightly servant of a hundred kings. Exemplar of a life in harness, in service to Chivalry, always. 

Here stands Maria Theresa rebearo de santos, Mistress, She who forged her own Coronet of barony, from the reeking mud of nothing, she who shaped kingdoms with skillful statecraft, Mother of Dragons, inspiration of enduring love. 

Before you, great monarch, stand heroes of this age the likes of which will never be seen again. 

Before you stands strength and grace defiant, possessed of the enduring constancy, lustful of that crown forged from their blood, and gilded by their spirit. 

If, as the ancients say, doing more is truly more worthy, 

Great Monarch, 

These are indeed the most worthy heroes of a Kingdom of titans. 

Good people, Here are Dragons invincible. 

On the eve of the Elevation of my great friend and Splendid fellow Leftenant Terrance, a Master of the sword who is so unparalleled in his coolness that it took the creation of an entire new Order to contain him, I would share this tidbit. 

Tomorrow, I will give Weird uncle Terry a gift… but it is a very special gift. It is a sword.

Now, the notion of giving Terry a sword as a gift for his Elevation to the Order of Masters of Defense is similar to giving Jerry Garcia the absolute best ditch weed you have ever possessed: Yeah, it may be good to you, and you may even have spent a lot of money on it, but he has thrown away far better in disgust! 

No, to give Terry a sword for his Elevation requires a most singular type of sword.. It needs to have phenomenal cosmic powers, unparalleled pedigree, and features so rare that they can never be reproduced!

To understand this sword, I will have to tell you a tale. Like all good tales it is…. More or less… completely factual… from a certain point of view.

Years ago, I was a young squire happily in service to my Master at the Pennsic Wars. It was the night after the Combat of the 30, and My Master’s squire brother, Mongo, was telling me tales of our great line so that I may be educated. He told me many stories of days and nights of high adventure, when He, Bardolph, and Terry, all sworn liege men to the great Sir Logos would lustfully roam the Knowne World.

He also told me of ancient times, when there were few Knights, and the world was a strange and magical place. (in other words, LSD was still legal)

Upon this landscape of Gods and Monsters, a very great and honorable sword was forged by the Divine Himself; Oathbinder.

But Mongo’s tale was not of the birth of this blade of Ancient Kings… It was of the inevitable afterbirth of….

Draco In-sickness.

Young squire that I was, I had never heard of such a thing. Uncle Mongo strove to educate me that night.

“The world requires balance. If a thing of Light is born, so too must a thing of Darkness be born.  In this way you will know which is which”, he said.

This seemed to make sense… As a general rule, things seem much more reasonable after drinking Mongo’s beer. He was a Canadian after all.

He continued.

“When the Mighty Oathbinder was forged by the Gods, they also forged another mighty blade, Draco In-sickness; certainly not it’s equal, but powerful nonetheless. The Gods then gave this awe-imbued object to the Sumarian Demon Whore known as SheKrewl.”

” SheKrewl was seduced by the gleaming power of this blade, and she did ravage and lay waste upon many kingdoms. One day, a young man Known as Lucas Otto Gustav Oswald Setephen vom Schenecke did challenge the Demon Whore in single combat, so that the Knowne Kingdoms of men may know peace.”

“He did defeat the wicked Demon, and wrested the mighty Draco In-sickness from her clutching, yet beautifully supple and manicured hands. With venomous anger, the beautiful hag did curse Logos saying “your line shall never be rid of this Sword. You and your Sons will be doomed to be its keeper.” Thus were this Knight’s spurs earned, and His line was established.”

“And where is this amazing sword, Uncle Mooongo” I slurred. We had been hard at work in the celebration of rich ransomes after all!

“Alas, being wise in the ways of Science, Sir Logos did see that the splendidity of this sword’s consummate V’s, and it’s awesome-niforousness was too great a thing for mere mortal men, so he hid it. But the hiding place was plundered, and it was lost. I suppose Demon Whore curses don’t have much power in the days of the New Gods.” Mongo said, a curious sadness and longing reflecting in his foam flecked visage.

I mulled on this seemingly altogether factual and correctly remembered tale, and went to sleep.

In the morning, I was paid ransomes for the three Very fine Gentlemen I had the pleasure of capturing the day before. When I examined the treasure, I was astounded to see, amidst silks and gold, a most striking and unique sword.

“This must be Draco Insickness!” I exclaimed in amazement. The sun gleamed upon it’s plasticine hilt. It’s blade clunked in an unusually powerful-rattly way when struck. I picked it up and felt it’s battle-ready power flow into my arms.

I immediately saw that such a powerful sword could not possibly be kept by a mere Squire. It so happened that my Filial contract to Sir Bardolph stipulated 1/3 of all war spoils I earned must be paid to him in recompense for his education. As this was obviously an Heirloom of our line, I did reverently set aside this object of amazingness to be paid him as part of this obligation. 

(That year, I also paid him a stretchy white belt with sequins, festooned with a bedazzled belt buckle that had an LED panel inset in its center. This panel curiously scrolled the words “I’m Duke Bardolf! Yo Baby!” no idea how that got programmed in, but it certainly went to the right Knight!”)

In any case, when I did present my Liege with this heirloom of his house, he was literally without words. I saw this to be a good sign. (young squire, people.. Gimme a break!)

Apparently, as Sir Logos had discerned before him, He knew this needed to be given back to the Gods, so when I was no longer around, he hurled this mighty blade into the (socially responsible version of) deepest pool he could find. (The recycle bin)

Alas, This was not meant to be, for the Demon Whore’s curse held true. When the Great King of the Dragon Throne did dub me Knight of their Order, I was astounded to behold that somehow Draco In-sickness had been transported to my very own keep!

It is now obvious to me that our Line is cursed to bear this mighty relic, and to forever be tempted by its dark powers… for I have caught myself lovingly caressing it’s slightly-radioactive-from-Pakistani-tank-plating blade…. It’s deliciously pot-metal hilt.. The majestic sweep of its wing-quillion-thingies.

The slightly rubbed off painted eye stares back at me darkly, whispering dark and delicious thoughts of burninating and demon whoring.

It is lucky for me that another of Logos’ line is to be elevated for mastery of the sword. For he will need all his strength to resist it’s splindiforous Majesties. 

I give you Draco In-sickness. Think long on if you wish to be a Peer. You just never know what responsibilities you will wind up with!!!! (wink)